


Friendship Tips From A Socially Awkward Goblin

by CheseraFifthe



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Developing Friendships, Gen, Wildmount Campaign
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 06:20:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14099148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheseraFifthe/pseuds/CheseraFifthe
Summary: Five scenes of friendship between Nott the Brave and Enchanter Pumat Sol, and one time it paid off for the party.





	Friendship Tips From A Socially Awkward Goblin

**Author's Note:**

> my brain: Plot twist: the seduction of Pumat Sol is a friendship seduction and it's Nott that does it.  
> my brain: ...  
> my brain: wait. wait do the thing.

**One**

 

For all their wandering, the Mighty Nein often came back to Zadash. They all had different reasons. Beau got to learn more fighting techniques. Fjord came back to the Solstress Academy to learn new spells. Jester caused chaos wherever she went, but she said that the pastries here were better than most. Molly claimed he caught shows and sponsored the arts. Caleb went in and out of the Cobalt Reserve, and Nott liked adding to her collections.

When she wasn’t collecting though, Nott came back to the Invulnerable Vagrant. It was nice to have someone around that knew what she was, but didn’t care. And Pumat Sol was nice, not grumpy at all. Ever. Still very intimidating, and while Nott was faster than ever, she didn’t want to test her luck on a store with multiple magical workers and probably unseen, dangerous defenses.

She spent a lot of her coin there, actually. Mostly on health potions. The ones in her health potion collection that _weren’t_ pilfered were all from the Invulnerable Vagrant. And if she conveniently forgot her change? Well, it was always good to have somewhere you could go for magical ingredients that was run by a friendly face. And goblins didn’t regularly see many friendly faces.

 

She just didn’t expect to be called out on it.

 

“Nott,” one of the Pumats spoke, looking down at her from behind the counter. “You left an additional sixteen gold behind, and it would feel dishonest if I didn’t return that. Plus the other three hundred eighty-six collective gold you’ve left over the past year.”

“I–” Nott’s voice wavered a little and she steadied herself, turning back to face the firbolg. “I know. I wanted to give it to you.”

Pumat Sol’s easy smile faded a little, “Nott, I don’t mean any offense, but, respectfully, you look like you need the gold more than I do. And I like running an honest business.” He pushed a collection of coins in stacks of ten forward on the counter. The gold glittered, illuminated by the floating lights, but Nott made no move to go closer to the counter.

“Money’s nice, but it doesn’t matter much to me,” Nott shifted to the other foot, “I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m a goblin.”

“Yes,” Pumat looked almost surprised in the calm way he had, “the green skin, short stature, long ears, and pointy teeth kind of gave that away. But, I mean, I have good eyesight so I can understand why some people might’ve missed that.”

Nott shook her head, ears flapping against her head, “No, no! That’s not what I meant! It’s just,” she tugged at an ear, “Goblins aren’t well liked almost everywhere. And, well, I like spending time in here. All the magic around is _fascinating_!” And it was! It just wasn’t why she came into the Invulnerable Vagrant so often. She really didn’t want to admit her constant social anxieties to anyone, even Pumat Sol.

“I appreciate your honesty, Nott, and I don’t mind it if you stay awhile. Just be careful of the merchandise. If you break something, I will, respectfully, have to ask for compensation.”

“Of course.” Nott didn’t stay though. She pushed the gold back towards the shopkeeper, and left in a hurry, utterly embarrassed.

 

She might’ve stress-lifted some buttons and a nice rock on her way back to the Leaky Tap that day.

 

**Two**

 

Nott’s party was in an out of the way forest on the northwestern edge of the empire, when she spotted it. A large plant with silvery square-tipped leaves, and purple-white flowers, and large blue fruit with red stems. She’d read about it in her alchemical research, but never thought she’d see it. It was rare, bloomed only in the right soil for two months every year. In small amounts, and it was very hard to transplant anywhere. She knew the leaves and especially the roots were good in a few rare potions, and the fruit was a delicacy that the right people would pay hundreds for. It was known to alchemists as _Fontanesia pandorana_ but to anyone else who may’ve heard of it: Moon Guava.

She extracted it from the ground, cupping it with a lot of extra soil and rotted plant matter to extend its life, and stuck it in the custom bag of holding she bought from Enchanter Pumat Sol; a dark grey bag with two pouches and a small side pocket, one with an enchantment that preserved fresh things for longer, suitable for an alchemist, bounty hunter, druid or potioneer, and _two_ for her collections. She gave up many trinkets and an additional sum besides for it, but it was well worth it when they had to collect another head or, like now, when she wanted to contain a living thing.

She ran to catch up to her party, going back to Caleb’s side.

“What were you doing?” He asked quietly, hand brushing through her hair and looking at the party in front of them.

She rolled her shoulders shrugging off his curious stare and wiping her hands on her dark cloak, “Gardening.”

Caleb didn't look like he believed her, but he didn't ask anything else.

* * *

 

The next time they were back in Zadash, Nott went with Caleb to buy a large blue pot, and steal a Painter’s Kit. She wrote _F. pandorana_ on the pot in yellow, followed by _Moon Guava_ on the pot in Goblin, Common, and Halfling below it. She drew a little plant next to it. She then gave the rest of the kit to Jester, who, judging by Molly’s sharp grin and Fjord’s subsequently steamrolled objections, was probably going to go on a vandalizing spree.

Nott had other things to do, and went back to her room with Caleb where the wizard's nose was buried in his latest book. She scritched Frumpkin under his chin before going over to the table with the blue pot on it. She carefully turned her _Alchemist’s Attaché_ upside down over the pot and thought of the loose soil she collected. Mostly dry earth settled at the bottom of the pot. Nott righted the bag and carefully extracted the plant. It was slightly wilted but bore ripening fruit, and placed it, roots, soil, and all into the pot and packed it down. She lifted the lowest leaves gently, exposing the topsoil, and used her water flask to pour just a little water into the soil. The water was perfumed after all, and while her goblin digestive system could take a lot of weird things, that soil needed just the right amount of acidity or she would have a dead plant on her hands.

She stood back for a moment, admiring her work.

 

And then Nott dropped the entire pot back into the preservation pouch.

 

She slung the bag over her shoulder and left the inn, walking the well trodden path to the Pentamarket and the Invulnerable Vagrant.

* * *

There was only one Pumat available today, with one helping a couple of people and another presumably helping Pumat Prime in the back. The lone Pumat lit up, “Well hello there, Nott! It’s good to see you back at the Invulnerable Vagrant. Are you back in town for a while?”

Nott shrugged, walking up to the counter and the looming enchanter behind it, “As far as I know. We just got back from the northwest, near Hopperdook.” She summoned and lifted the heavy plant onto the counter, pushing it forward, “You like plants, right? This is for you.”

The shopkeeper inspected the plant, calmly waving a hand over it. The plant looked greener and more vibrant than it had been when she lifted it out of the ground. “That’s a fine example of a _Fontanesia pandorana_ right there. Fair price would be in the neighborhood of around five thousand five hundred gold pieces, with an additional three hundred gold pieces for each of the three fruit. Unless, of course, you want an item of some sort in trade, which I can do–”

“It’s a gift,” she said, waving him away and turning to leave.

“Wait,” She turned back, and caught a scroll tossed her way, “for your wizard friend. Respectfully, he probably needs it. Free of charge, and come back soon. Your company is, as always, a pleasure.” Nott put the scroll in her bag and walked out the door.

She still felt embarrassment when, a few days later, she caught sight of Pumat Sol’s new plant in a blue pot with a gold ribbon around it, on a high shelf behind the counter.

 

“His name is Paul,” he told her later with a wink and a hair ruffle.

 

**Three**

 

Nott had noticed that all of her party had collections of their own, even if they weren’t as tangible as her own. Caleb collected books, spells, and information. Yasha had a book dedicated to collecting whatever it is that Yasha collects _(plants maybe? mysterious big people things? movie tickets? love letters from Beau? The possibilities were endless!)_. Molly collected stories, tattoos, and people who wanted to punch him in the face. Jester collected chaos and drawings. Fjord collected voices, faces, and mannerisms. Beau collected new fighting techniques and nemeses, with a lot more of the former than the latter, thankfully. Nott collected buttons and flasks right now, but she was always on the lookout for interesting things to start a new one.

Which was why, in one of their infrequent conversations (now with tea, or tea flavored alcohol in Nott’s case) she asked the enchanter what he liked to collect.

“Collect? I’m afraid I don’t understand what it is you’re referring to, Nott.” The firbolg rubbed the bridge of his nose in thought, staring off into middle distance.

Nott took another sip from her teacup, claws clicking against the porcelain, “Y’know, like a collection. As far as I’ve seen everyone has a collection. Caleb collects knowledge, Beau collects fighting moves, Jester and Molly collect ... art–” she trailed off, knowing that her friends’ other collections were things that _“are not okay to talk about in polite company”_. And Pumat Sol was always very polite.

“And what do you collect, Nott?” The firbolg asked, peering down at her with an intense look. Nott scratched at her wrists and hoped he didn’t think she’d stolen anything from him.

“I collect a lot of things! Right now I collect buttons. Oh! And flasks! I collect flasks too.” She was very proud of her collections. She had six flasks now, and thirty-nine pretty buttons.

“Do they do anything?” Pumat Sol asked.

“No, they’re just nice to look at.” Nott patted her bag.

“Well, I don’t think I collect anything in particular. Mostly magic items, but I resell those sooner or later, so I’m not sure they’d count.”

“No collections? _At all?_ ” She couldn’t believe this; everyone she knew had some sort of collection. “Not even something like information, or postcards, or, or, I don’t know. Stamps, maybe?”

“I can see you’re very upset about this Nott, and I’m sorry for troubling you. But the truth is, most everything I collect I give away, for the right reasons. And even with four of me, I’m stretched pretty thin. I don’t think I have the opportunity to collect things like that.”

Nott felt terrible for asking, but how was she supposed to know that Pumat Sol was so busy that he didn’t have time to have collections of his very own? “Well, maybe I could help you?” What _do_ you like?" 

“Well, I liked the plant you gave me. Very pretty. I didn’t even care that it’s rare, but I’m sure you put in a lot of effort to bring that to me, which I appreciate. I like all plants really. I’m also fond of books, ribbons, bells and whistles.”

“That’s good, that’s good. And what is your favorite color?” Because color coordination was always important, especially when you build your first collection.

“Oh, I’m fond of a lot of colors. Green, but, respectfully, a lot brighter than your skin, Nott. I also like blue, and yellow, and orange. Not red, never could get the hang of red…” Pumat Sol looked almost frustrated.

 

Nott just quietly left a gold on the table, and left while Pumat was distracted. She wasn’t all that good with goodbyes.

* * *

Nott was a very resourceful, independant goblin at the best of times, but even she needed help every once in a while.

She and Caleb bought many flower pots at general stores. With a quiet ribbing of “Gardening, again, Nott?” he helped her purchase many pots and even carried out a few back to their room for them to be stored in her bag. Later he sealed the paint on the clay pots and subsequently announced that he had marginally better control over his fire cantrips.

Beau helped pick out the plants and soil, always happy to flirt with the pretty florists in towns they passed. She was often in a good enough mood after to purchase a few of the more common plants. Nott had a feeling that Pumat Sol would appreciate that most of his plants (and their containers) were bought legally.

Fjord probably assumed it was her new collection, or another, more productive hobby to curb the Itch. It wouldn’t have been the first time. He gamely distracted some clerk in an unnamed city as she borrowed another Painter’s Kit that she had no intention of returning, and purchased her some gardening tools. He also took to pointing out interesting plants in their adventures.

Nott and Jester may or may not have gone into a few teahouses, caused some chaos, and made out with pretty porcelain containers perfect for holding plants. There was no way to prove it was them if it happened. Jester reliably informed her that the Traveler was pleased with their excursions regardless.

Mollymauk didn’t buy the new collection story, and told her so. He was usually honest like that when he was trying to get a rise out of someone. Instead she told him that she was “furthering business relations”. It sounded important, and was almost the truth, without going into Pumat Sol’s distressing lack of collections to his name. He may or may not have believed the excuse, but he didn’t press further. And sometimes, when at least one of them couldn’t sleep and the other was on watch, they painted the pots together. Molly had a good eye for colors and a dab hand for painting elaborate designs, and might’ve painted the tarot cards he’d brought with him from the circus.

Yasha came and went, but she didn’t mind sitting quietly and replanting. The flowers often looked nicer when she was the one to handle them. She also painted more than a few of her pots with odd tribal designs and pictures of storms.

* * *

Slowly, the top shelf of the Invulnerable Vagrant filled up with plants with pretty pots. Some in solid colors, some with tribal designs, some with sprawling designs that likely took weeks to make, some with stripes and spots and splatters, and no few in teapots, teacups, and tea kettles. And a lot of them were decorated with ribbons and bells that Nott stole all by herself.

 

**Four**

 

It was said that every adventuring party needed to tackle a dragon, at least once. Nott would like it known that whoever said that was an idiot, and she made a habit of living, thank you very much. She was as surprised as anyone in the end, at the dead adult blue dragon collapsed on its hoard.

And then naturally, because the universe loves to make things difficult for the Mighty Nein, there was a rumbling that probably meant that the lair would collapse soon. Because of course it would. Nott looked around for interesting trinkets, grabbing handfuls of shiny platinum and loose blue dragon scales, as well as some unique looking items. Then she raced off and grabbed Caleb’s hand, hightailing it out of the lair with the rest of the party.

It took her a few days to realize what she had. All of her new things were pretty, but there was a necklace of shimmery prayer beads in shades of green and brown with tiny prayers gold-etched in Goblin along the beads, that made her head just a little fuzzy.

It _read_ like Goblin, but when she asked Caleb what language the beads were in, he said without hesitation that the language was Zemnian.

Further careful inspection indicated that these beads were given to the forest giants by the Wildmother. Nott tucked the beads away and resolved to give the beads to Pumat Sol when she next saw him, because he was the only forest-y giant she knew.

* * *

It was raining the next time Nott made it to the Invulnerable Vagrant. Dripping water on the floor, she felt the _Prestidigitation_ wash over her as she greeted Pumat Sol once again.

“Thank you, Pumat.” She told the firbolg, who was playing a card game with himselfs. The firbolg waved at her and went back to his hand. Nott assumed Pumat was winning.

Two Pumats looked at each other, then glanced at the third, “You win.” Then they both turned to her. “Hello again Nott, what brings you back to the Invulnerable Vagrant in this weather? It looks like you could drown something out there, yikes!” Outside, thunder rumbled in the darkening sky.

There was no one here and all three Pumats watched her as she approached the counter, “I brought a gift for you!”

She was really proud of it, and it almost hurt her to give it to the shopkeeper. She didn’t have a bead collection yet, after all. But beads were awfully close to buttons (what if her collections got jumbled together!), and Caleb said it might be problematic if she starts a collection of necklaces again. Even if she called them something innocuous like “sandwiches”.

All three enchanters smiled at her, “Is it a plant to add to my collection? I liked the last one you gave me. The _Galax moschata_ wished to, uh, thank you for the new accomodations. He likes to call himself Ringo, and he wanted me to tell you that he appreciates the accurate star map painted on his pot.”

“Not this time, actually. I’m running low on pots and I haven’t found anything new to put in any of the ones I still have. I have a necklace for you.” And she reached into her bag and pulled out the beads, letting them pool gently onto the counter before releasing them and stepping back so she could see the reactions.

Pumat’s large furry hand grabbed the delicate beads and held them up to the light. His eyes widened and he stilled. His smile dropped. He looked to the left at one of his brothers, then to the right at the other.

“I’ll go,” said the one on the right, and he walked at a pace more rapid than she’d ever seen them move to the door to Pumat Prime’s workshop.

“Did I do something wrong? I mean, I found that in a dragon hoard and it was _really_ magical, and it said something about forest giants and so I thought of you-”

“ _Nott_ ,” Pumat’s hands were shaking, prayer beads clasped in hand firmly but carefully. “Nott, this is–” he cleared his throat, “–this is something people would pay _thousands of platinum_ for. This is something that would give you access to lots of high places in the world. It could probably start religious wars. And you're just _giving_ it to me? I-I mean, I respect your decision, but I am just a humble shopkeep, Nott. Th–”

Now that was just _uncalled for_.

 

“But you’re not just a humble shopkeeper! You’re Enchanter Pumat Sol! There are _four_ of you! I’ve never met a more talented person and, and, and you’re _never_ grumpy!”

 

The door to the workshop opened and for the third time since she first visited the Invulnerable Vagrant, Nott saw Pumat Prime. He lifted up his eye gear and, for the first time that she’d seen, he stepped out from behind the counter.

The only discernible difference between Pumat Prime and his simulacrums were the bags under his eyes. It was as if he never slept, ever. And it was really easy to observe as he knelt down right next to her, dropping large hands onto her shoulders. She did her best to hide her tensing up and was very surprised when she was tugged against his chest and held tight, as if he was holding her together. He was shaking, forehead touching the top of her head, and she felt warm water drip into her hair.

She stayed as she was, untensing as the moments passed in this long hug. She rested a hand on his sleeve; green skin and black claws starkly contrasted against the off-white linen. Just a small amount of comfort, something that she knew Caleb appreciated when he had a bad day. From her peripheries she saw only one of the Pumats, conspicuously avoiding looking at them.

“Nott,” she felt more than heard the rumbling voice, “Nott, thank you.” It was the most sincere, heartfelt thing she’d heard from anyone but Caleb. She felt deeply uncomfortable with the sentiment.

Pumat Prime pulled away, hands still on her shoulders, eyes red rimmed as he met her gaze. “I– Come back tomorrow if you’re available. I’ve been working on a little something for you as well, but I hadn’t gotten the opportunity to give it to you because I need a bit of your blood. I mean, if you feel squeamish letting me take some blood than I respect your choices, but it means I can’t put the retrieval enchantment on it.”

Nott held out a finger in offering, freshly cleaned from the _Prestidigitation_ , and Pumat Prime released her shoulders, pulling out a sliver of a knife, about twice as big as a needle. She didn’t even feel the cut as dark green blood dripped from her pointer finger into a vial that Pumat Prime was handed by another of his brothers. It was silent except for the rain pouring outside, as Pumat carefully filled the vial, capped the vial with a flash, and pinched her finger shut. It healed instantly with a tiny green glow.

“You have my solemn guarantee that any blood I do not use for this project will be disposed of and rendered useless for any purpose, magical or mundane, or my name isn’t Enchanter Pumat Sol. Have a good night, Nott.” He ruffled her hair, pocketed her gift beads and the vial of blood, and headed back to his workshop.

Nott felt emotionally drained, and she wasn’t even the one who broke down. Still she mustered up the cheer to call out, “See you tomorrow, Pumats! You all have a good night and tell Pumat Prime thank you from me!”

“Night!” _“Night!”_ “Sleep well, Nott.”

 

Nott hurried out into the rain and back to the Leaky Tap. When she met back up with Caleb and the rest of the party, she remembered and passed along the plant’s message, “Ringo appreciated the star map on his pot, by the way."

“You _name_ your plants now?”

* * *

Nott returned to the Invulnerable Vagrant in the morning. The streets were still slick with mud and she carefully wiped her feet at the edge of the doors.

“Hello Pumat!” she called, ignoring the customers that a few of the Pumats were helping. Both the occupied Pumats nodded their heads in greeting but remained as they were, engaged with their customers.

The only free Pumat waved her over, “Hello again Nott. Did you have a nice morning?”

“I did, thanks, but I’ve been wondering since I went to sleep what Pumat Prime wanted to give me!” Nott stood on her tiptoes to get a better view of the counter.

“Well wonder no more!” Pumat snapped his fingers and the floor rose up underneath her and she got a clear view of the counter for the first time. It was a very nice wood counter, but before she could admire it there was a darker wood box pulled out from underneath the counter. The lid had the stylized shop logo engraved into the wood.

Nott felt excitement coursing through her as the lid slid open like an oversized matchbox, revealing a bright blue fabric with four buttons resting upon it. One was teardrop shaped and changed colors, going through every color of the rainbow. The second was half-black, half-white, with slightly more black than white on the button. The third was a green-tinted wood with the same Invulnerable Vagrant Logo in gold on it. The last was more of a shiny gem than a button. (But Nott would accept this not-button as it claimed to be. It was a button now.) It was a sparkly, swirling goblin-blood green, surrounded by a delicate wire crescent of gold with a platinum backing.

“You mentioned that you collect buttons so Enchanter Pumat Sol wanted to give some extra-special buttons to one of his most fantastic customers. And, respectfully, while the buttons you’ve collected are undoubtedly very nice, I doubt they were all as magical as the ones I have here for you today. The first button is an amazing color changing button. That’s all it does, but it looks pretty cool.”

Pumat Sol pointed at the black and white button next, “That one tells you the phase of the moon. Good if you’re stuck underground for long periods of time, if you are travelling with someone suffering from lycanthropy, or if you have a time-sensitive ritual that requires a certain lunar phase. It can also track lunar and solar eclipses and gives off a faint glow in no-light conditions.”

He pointed at the wooden button next. “This button may not look like much but it will teleport the holder from anywhere on this plane to the center of the Invulnerable Vagrant when it is destroyed. It is blood-bound so it will only be destroyed once you have a sincere wish for the button to be destroyed. It is one-use only, unfortunately, further testing concluded that the button disintegrates immediately upon arrival.”

“No, no, it’s very pretty, I like it!” Nott gushed, interrupting Pumat’s explanation. He paid her no mind but instead pointed to the last button.

“The last button is the most important. It requires some attunement, but it has immeasurable benefits that I’m sure you’ll appreciate as you discover them.” Pumat winked, hand going back to the lid of the box.

“These are all fantastic buttons, I love all of them and I might have to purchase more buttons from you if they’re all this cool–”

“There is still more to give you, Nott,” Pumat interrupted, pulling the lid off entirely in a swift, clean movement, revealing a shiny, oval flask inlaid with a greenish gemstone design of seaweed trailing up one side and banded by a green metal braid framing the image. “I remember that you collect flasks as well, and I figured that you’d appreciate a magic one. It was tricky to put together, but I bound this flask to the Plane of Water, so it will always be full. Useful for water spells, desert travel, and putting out fires, among other things, I’m sure.”

“All of these items are blood-anchored to you so they will appear on your person, or the freshest source of your blood, once they get more than five feet away from you. Usually the freshest source of blood is your still-living body, but I’ve heard some weird stories...”

“Thank you Pumat, and thank Pumat Prime too. He must have worked really hard on these, especially on the blood enchantments.”

“Anytime, Nott. Have a good one!” Pumat Sol waved her off with her buttons and new flask.

 

Behind the mask, Nott never had such a bright grin on her face.

 

**Five**

 

 _Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit! Shit! SHIT! SHIT!_ **_SHIT!_ **

 

Nott might’ve done a stupid thing.

 

She– She took a few flasks from the Crownsguard, and, like an idiot, was spotted. She was spotted _with her mask down!_ But in her defense, those flasks weren’t nearly well guarded enough. Half of them she didn’t even need to _try_ for. It was just one moment they were on a belt and the next they were in her pocket. Like magic!

And really, if the Crownsguard couldn’t even guard their flasks, then how were they supposed to be trusted to guard the people of Zadash? She was doing a public service, pointing out their glaring unawareness!

 

Unfortunately, most of the Crownsguard she’d ever encountered had a _“stab first, ask questions under torture if it lives”_ sort of mentality when it came to goblins.

So here she was, running for her life, clutching her hood, entering the Pentamarket and just about to pass the Invul- _Sorry, Pumats!_

 

She burst into the Invulnerable Vagrant, empty except for the three Pumats doing various tidying jobs. Or that’s what they were doing. Now they were just staring at her. “Nott, what’s–”

“Sorry! No time! Hiding from–” She rushed towards the edge of the counter, by the shelves, when the doors burst open again. Gold armor glinted off the midday sun.

One of the Pumats stepped in between her and the door slightly, and she felt familiar illusory magic settle over her. Her heart hammered like a rabbit, but it looked like Pumat Sol was willing to hide her for now.

“Hello, how can I help you?” One Pumat Sol asked, looking almost relaxed. It was only through frequent visits that Nott even noticed his discomfort talking to these men.

“We’re looking for a goblin in a grey cloak and bandages. Eyewitnesses said they saw it running into one of the shops in the Pentamarket. Did it come in here?”

The Pumat covering her started talking at a louder volume about some of the merchandise on the shelves in front of them. It was rote nonsense, both of them were focusing on the Pumat behind the counter as he said, “The only person in here is Nott, a _wealthy_ repeat customer that always leaves a tip. Respectfully, I’d thank you not to hassle her.”

The crownsguard, a human man with a patchy beard, looked at her, apparently noticing nothing strange about her appearance. He turned back to Pumat. “I’d like to remind you that withholding information from a Crownsguard investigation will result in being brought to the Lawmaster. Have you spotted any goblins within the city within the past 12 hours?”

“Sir, I run a _quality_ establishment. Do I seem like the type of person to risk business in dealing with a goblin?” Beside her, where the Crownsguard couldn’t see, Pumat winked. “Respectfully, it seems you aren’t doing your job very well if you’re expecting goblins to wander around Zadash–”

 

“Now see here! I know what I saw, you–” And Pumat Sol stopped hunching, looming over the blustering Crownsguard.

 

Pumat’s eyes flashed, and while his voice was as calm and relaxed as before, it was magnitudes more threatening. “Now, sir, I understand that you are having a rough day, but, respectfully, I’m sure that isn’t the best description you could give of the culprit of whatever crime you are pursuing justice for. Goblins are often found in packs or hoards. A lone goblin attempting anything would surely be a suicide mission, yes?”

Nott winced, having caught the hidden chastisement within his voice, but Pumat wasn’t finished. “No, it’s extremely unlikely a lone goblin committed this act, whatever it is. You’re looking for a smaller-than average humanoid, certainly. But if _I_ were disguising myself as a goblin, I’d use green face paint. Green face paint can also hide a multitude of sins, like scars or identifying tattoos. I’d also have bandages on my goblin disguise so i could use less paint, and I would have a brown cloak to change into once I washed off the green face paint to get away with it. Sir, I have to ask, respectfully, _are you sure you’re looking for a goblin?_ ”

 

“No,” The Crownsguard’s voice was slightly dreamy and just as calm and polite as the firbolg. “No, I’m looking for a small humanoid with a tattoo and face scar, and a brown cloak. Not a goblin.”

 

“It’s an easy mistake to make. I’m sure it could happen to anyone. Now, you’re interrupting business hours, and, respectfully, I’m going to have to ask you to _leave my store and correct this rampant spread of misinformation._ ” The Crownsguard turned and left.

“Have a pleasant day,” He called out after the crownsguard rushed out, the doors swishing shut behind him.

 

“Now,” All of the Pumats turned once more to Nott, “I think it’s time for some tea.”

* * *

“Excuse me if I need to clarify this, Nott. You pilfered _every_ flask you could find from the Crownsguard, for no other reason than because you felt like it?”

She and the three Pumat Sols all sat down for tea in the break room in the back. They were kind as always, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that they were all very disappointed in her. Pumat’s disappointment, like Caleb’s, crawled down her skin like a swarm of insects.

 

“I–” Nott tugged at her cloak, not looking at the three sets of curious, kind, eyes looking at her.

“Why didn’t you just buy flasks? I’m sure any store would have much more variety than the Crownsguard. And, with how often you travel, I’m sure you could purchase as many flasks as you wanted. From other continents, even.” It was almost worse that, even after she caused him all that trouble, Pumat Sol was trying to help her find more flasks.

Nott figured she owed him for hiding her after the mishap earlier, so she tried to explain. “Buying the flasks does nothing to stop the Itch.”

“The Itch?” _“Do you have a rash, Nott?”_ “What stops the Itch, Nott?”

“I–I, um, I have some sort of itch in the back of my head that only goes away when I take something. I collect things, y’know, and getting more for my collections just satisfies that Itch like nothing else does. I’m better now than I was a few years ago. Drinking helps. Danger and challenges are terrifying and I always focus on them when they happen. And, and the Itch stops when I’m terrified of something, but it comes back with a vengeance the next time I get bored. Which. I can’t be terrified or in danger _all_ the time, my friends might get hurt, and I’d die of stress long before I got to old age–”

“It’s alright, Nott, you don’t have to explain any further.” A large hand rested on her head, and she noticed one of the Pumats slipping out of the break room.

“Let's just say that it’s not the first time I’ve covered for a friend. Actually, I appreciated the practice.” the other Pumat watched Nott, holding his teacup with an easy smile.

Nott’s ears perked up underneath the hand, “I’m your friend?”

“Well, yes. I believe we became friends around the time we started having these tea parties together. I don’t invite many people into the break room, Nott. Only friends. Oh, and workers.”

“Hi!” Pumat waved at her from his seat. Nott giggled, and the hand was removed from her head. She fixed her hair as the third Pumat Sol came in with something blue on his arm. He unfolded it and shook it out, revealing a Prussian blue Nott-sized cloak, with black trimmings.

“Prime and I figured that if Nott needs to sneak around then she should do it with something that helps her be sneakier. Behold.” He draped the hood of the blue cloak over his head. It was a very poor fit, but the parts of him that _were_ covered blended into the wall where they hadn’t before.

“I hope you don’t mind the blue. I figured that even with the guard guy going around convincing everyone it wasn’t a goblin, they might be looking for someone in a brown or grey cloak.”

“I actually think it goes well with my skintone. Thank you! How much do I owe you?”

 

“Hey, what’s a really nice cloak between friends?”

* * *

Nott spotted Frumpkin’s lantern eyes on Caleb’s shoulder before spotting Caleb or the rest of the Mighty Nein. She crept up on them with her new cloak active, porcelain mask _firmly_ in place this time. She walked up right next to Caleb, linking their fingers together as she pulled off the hood.

“I made a friend today!” she chirped, thoroughly enjoying the sudden startle she caused as Caleb jumped slightly in her grip. Fjord cursed a soft “Oh, shit!” as Beau jumped into his arms like a startled cat. Molly poured spirits over himself as she caught him just as he was about to take a hearty swig, and Jester swore in what was probably Infernal.

 

“NOTT!!!” they all yelled simultaneously, with a belated yowl from Frumpkin.

 

“I made a friend today.” she said again, now that the chaos she caused was over. Molly wiped his face, shaking his hand out, and Beau dropped out of Fjord’s arms, straightening her vest.

Caleb looked down to where their hands were connected and then to her eyes, “Is that where you were all day? With your new friend?”

“We-ell,” She rocked on her heels, and Jester grinned because she knew that tone. Caleb knew that tone too and was far more worried. “I ran an errand earlier today, and then I went to the Pentamarket and had tea with my friend. I got this neat cloak from there too!” She counted off her activities on her fingers as she listed them, showing them the very nice cloak Pumat gave her.

Jester’s face fell as she sulked in an exaggerated manner. Caleb looked like he was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“That cloak looks very nice on you, Nott,” Fjord commented, “Very blue. It contrasts nicely with your eyes.”

“Thank you, Fjord,” Nott preened.

“Ja, it looks nice. On you. It looks magical as well, Nott. Does it do anything?” Caleb asked. Molly and Jester looked on with idle curiosity.

“Well it makes me harder to see and it makes it easier to sneak, but only when the hood is up. Watch!” Nott pulled up the hood, and while they could barely see the outline of the small goblin, they figured that in a fast paced battle she would be invisible to many of the the foes they might face.

“Ooh, imagine how many pastries we could steal with that cloak! They’d be like _‘Oh no! I had some pastries here just a moment ago but now they are gone! I’m pretty sure there is a ghost that is stealing all of my pastries!’_ ” Jester, as always, had her priorities straight.

“Well, maybe not pastries. People need to make a living after all.” Molly interjected, “And if too many pastries went missing, bakers would lose their jobs and there would ultimately be less pastries for everyone.”

“But we’d still have a lot, though,” Jester pointed out.

“Fair. That’s fair. But, Jester, what happens when we run out?” Molly asked slyly, tail swishing near his boots.

Immediately Jester spun towards Caleb’s side and stared at where Nott’s face would’ve been.  “Oh no! Nott! You can’t take any pastries!”

“I’m over here, Jester!" Nott said from Caleb’s other side, pulling back the hood of her new cloak. Caleb took the opportunity to take a step back from Jester, scritching Frumpkin, who had draped over his shoulders like a scarf.

“Here’s what I don’t get,” Beau piped up, turning around and walking backwards, her staff at her shoulders and arms draped around it. “If you got the cloak after tea with your friend, what were your errands earlier?”

Before Nott had a chance to come up with something, a town crier walked past their motley group. “–Rexxentrum. Mass theft of flasks from the Crownsguard. Eyewitness accounts identify the culprit as a short humanoid with tattoos and a scar, in a brown coat. Information welcome at the Herald’s Hall. The Westhill Assembly will occur at the next full moon. Another rebellion safely put down by–”

 

They kept quiet just long enough for the town crier to pass, but as soon as they glanced at each other they all burst out laughing, punctuated by a facepalm and a long sigh from Caleb. From her vantage point Nott could see that even his lips were twitching a little.

“How many?” he asked.

“Four hundred, thirty-seven.” Nott had counted the flasks while she had tea with Pumat Sol.

Caleb blinked and Beau coughed a little in an effort to stop laughing. Eventually she managed it, but it was a near thing. “There’s like, four-hundred fifty Crownsguard in Zadash. Total. Nott how did you–”

Molly clasped his hands over his mouth, stifling the last of his laughter, “Oh this is a _really_ good day! Well done, Nott!”

“I don’t even want to know,” Fjord added, before spotting Jester waving her arms around to draw attention to herself. “ _No_ , Jester. We’ve still got a few things to do before the sun sets.”

The party wandered ahead, and Caleb took Nott’s hand again, brushing her knuckles and telling her quietly, “I’m glad you made a new friend, Nott. Just. Don’t forget about me while you have fun with them, alright?”

 

“I won’t.”

* * *

When she came back to the Invulnerable Vagrant two days later, Pumat offered her a ring that took away her Itch for a short time and helped her stay clear-headed when being _charmed._ Nott took the ring and reverse pickpocketed him, leaving five gold in his pocket.

 

**_And One_ **

 

The Mighty Nein didn’t visit the Invulnerable Vagrant as often as they wanted, for all that they liked the Enchanter that ran it and his wares. Still right before they left Zadash they always made sure to stop by.

A Pumat addressed them from behind the counter. “Hello and welcome back to the Invulnerable Vagrant! I haven’t seen you all here together in quite some time.”

“Yes, well, your wares are such quality that we’d be tempted to buy more than we could afford!” Fjord spoke, stepping up to the counter and starting with small talk as the party collected what they wanted to buy.

Nott wasn’t paying much attention. Instead she slipped away from Caleb, walked past the dwarf woman shopping, up to the third free Pumat. “Hello Pumat!”

“Nott, It’s good to see you again! Are you leaving Zadash?” The Pumat grinned down at her and ruffled her hair.

“Yes, for at least two weeks. We’re going monster hunting again so I was wondering if you might have a few things?” Nott glanced over to her party that were browsing the walls of the shop. Caleb stepped up to continue talking with Fjord and Pumat as they bargained. It didn’t look like they were getting anywhere. The Pumat over there looked almost amused with whatever was being said.

“Well I’ve got a lot of things that are very good for monster hunting. If you knew what kind of monster you were fighting then we could narrow it down considerably.” Pumat scratched his chin turning to look at the shelves behind him.

“As far as I know we’re going into the Underdark,” Nott offered, “but I don’t know what we’d be dealing with down there.”

Pumat lit up, “Well I do have a few things that could be useful to you in the Underdark. This ring for instance,” he pulled a ring out from behind the counter. Nott stomped on the ground firmly and the floor rose up so she could see it. The light-absorbing black ring rested in Pumat’s large hand. “This ring translates Undercommon into Common and back again. It’s pretty handy to have if you run into any denizens of the Underdark and need to know what they’re saying. This ring is one hundred ninety gold pieces.”

He set the ring down and pressed a hand to the carved wooden wall behind him. A tray ejected from the wall with a quiet hiss, which he brought back to the counter. Nott was very proud of herself for not even thinking about touching the ring without paying for it.

“I also made something that I thought would suit you well.” He set the tray down and in the blue-lined box were thirty jet-black hand crossbow bolts. The feathers at the end were well-trimmed and grouped in sets of three, all different colors. “These bolts deal additional magical damage to their targets. All color coded for your convenience. Each arrow costs one hundred fifty gold pieces, because they are both specialized and magical, but if you buy what I have I will knock the price down to three thousand for the whole set.”

 

They were very nice crossbow bolts. She wanted them. “I’ll take the ring and the bolts, Pumat. And I was wondering if you had any armor that would be good for Caleb?”

 

“The wizard guy? Well sure, I’ve had this belt laying around for a while. It makes people a little less squishy while not hindering their movement. And, no offense intended, while I’m sure he’s gotten stronger, your wizard friend could use all the help he can get.” The brown belt was retrieved by the Pumat Sol that had finished up with the dwarf woman. Over by her party it looked like it was Jester and her duplicate’s turn to talk to Pumat Sol. Judging by the sheer dread radiating off of Caleb, it was not going well.

“Anything else, Nott?” Pumat asked.

“How about some healing potions?”

“Well,” He pulled the potion carousel out from underneath the counter. Nott wondered how many of those he had, or if it was a magic carousel that moved to where he needed it. “We have Standard healing potions at fifty gold apiece. Greater healing potions that run for one hundred fifty. We even a few Superior healing potions at this time for four hundred fifty gold each. Any in particular that you want?”

“I think I’d like one Superior, two Greater, and three Regular healing potions, please?”

“Of course!” he said as he pulled out the vials and slid the carousel back under the counter, “Can I get you anything else?”

“I–” Before she could conclude her purchases, the waves of dread Caleb was emanating ratched up a thousand notches. Her ears drooped. “I think I’ll pay for my friends’ purchases as well.”

Pumat looked over in amusement as Beau pulled Jester away from the counter. Both Fjord and Caleb looked like they regretted the attempt in the first place. “You’re friends aren’t very good at bargaining, are they, Nott?

Nott shook her head, _“Nope.”_ She jumped off the platform, walking quickly over to the counter before they did anything stupid like buying it, or worse, negotiating again.

 

She pushed past Fjord and Caleb, tapped the floor again and her height rose again, “Hello Pumat!”

“Hello, Nott. Are you done purchasing?” The Pumat helping their party turned his attentions from Fjord to her.

“Nott, what’re you–” Fjord asked, but was interrupted by the Pumat that helped her ducking under a floating light and unloading her selection over here, next to a light-absorbing black necklace, a scroll and more healing potions.

Pumat took a glance at the party’s items, “Nott, all of this totals up to about six thousand, nine hundred and sixty gold.”

“Holy!” Fjord choked. Molly smiled, teeth just a bit too exposed indicating his distress, his hand clamped firmly over Jester’s mouth. Beau looked like she was gearing up to say something, held up as she was keeping Jester far from any mischief. Caleb tugged at her sleeve in distress, but said nothing against it. That was all the encouragement she needed.

“And if I buy all of these items, do I get a discount?” she asked, imitating some of what she’d seen Caleb and Fjord do over the years. Fjord closed his eyes and sighed through his nose. _Rude._

 

“Well,” Pumat smiled, “tell you what. Because we’re friends, Nott, I’ll give you a twenty five percent discount. As long as the next time you’re back in Zadash you stop by for tea and tell me how it went.”

“Deal!” she crowed, dropping her hands to the counter in excitement. Caleb made a noise of surprise and released her sleeve. She pulled her bag forward, “How much do I owe you?”

“At the new price that would be five thousand, two hundred and twenty gold.” He said, pushing the items forward on the counter. Nott pulled 5,250 gold from her bag and swiped the items off of the counter and into it.

“Have a nice day, Pumats! Tell Pumat Prime I said hello!” she said, jumping off the magic platform and dragging Caleb towards the door. The rest of the party followed.

“You too, Nott!” _“Bye Nott!”_ “Come again soon!”

* * *

“So I take it the friend you mentioned was Pumat Sol?” Fjord asked leadingly. Everyone ignored that Jester was walking along the edge of the road discretely drawing dicks on every surface she passed.

Nott ignored him, reaching into her bag and pulling out the brown belt, “I bought you a belt Caleb!”

He took the belt from her gently. The hand holding the belt flashed along with his eyes as he _Identified_ it. He then slipped it around his waist and buckled it. “Thank you, Nott.” No explanation was given.

 

Beau’s eye twitched.

 

“Apparently _‘furthering business relations’_ was a bit more literal than I thought,” Molly mused. “I _thought_ I saw some of your pots in there. Still it all worked out for the best, and I, for one, support this new friendship wholeheartedly.”

Jester got bored of drawing dicks and hopped on Toilet again, adjusting his faded green cloak and offering him an apple donut.

Beau turned to Fjord, leading the horses as they came once more back to the Gates of Zadash. “In retrospect the pot plants were pretty fucking obvious.”

“Yeah,” he said as they left once more, off on another adventure– this time into the Underdark.

 


End file.
